#4: I'll be a Mr. Gardener someday.

In September of 2007 I traveled with a small group of American students to Insch, Scotland for a weekend of cultural immersion. This pleasant farming town - located 30 miles outside of Aberdeen - is home to the kindest, most hospitable people I have ever known.

Upon arrival, the twenty of us foreigners were paired up and distributed amongst numerous local families. Perhaps the most striking of these host figures was a man by the name of Gardener.

Truthfully, there might not be a more quintessential old man in all the land. Without a doubt one of Scotland's finest unsung heroes, Mr. Gardener had what I like to call, "the complete package." Everything you could possibly ever want in an old man, he had: disheveled white hair, exaggerated facial features, a gummy smile, a hunched posture, a wooden cane, the argyle and corduroy look, and those sturdy black Velcro shoes. Classic.

Not only were his healthy physical attributes impressive, but his accomplishments in life as well. Still happily married to an equally as adorable woman, and with multiple grown children now scattered out around the globe, Mr. Gardner is in many ways the elderly man I hope to become. Despite his many years, he hiked routinely with our group, he laughed and told us stories, showed us his well-maintained home and yard, and would even drink tea and whiskey with every meal.

My thoughts go out to Mr. Gardner today, since I know I will never see him again. It's a sad but true reality. However, my memories of him will last me a lifetime, and I will one day follow his footsteps graciously into the clutches of old age.

#3: It's not swords, it's "s-words"

So I'm watching Jeopardy, right, and I have some thoughts...First I'm thinking, who actually watches this show anymore? Honestly. Who in their daily grind makes a conscientious effort to be in front of their TV, at 7.30, every weekday, to watch three joke-show randoms and a creepy old man rattle off trivial facts in the form of a question?

Sure you might learn something cool, but let's face it people, the show should be canceled. Newsflash Trebek: you've been doing the same exact thing since 1984! With 11 Emmy's under its belt, sure, Jeopardy has earned its stripes. But Alec's becoming a relic. A Johnny Carson, or a Bob Barker. A novelty.

Even the game is outdated. Despite the obvious set renovations and snazzier graphics, the show is essentially the same program in its 24th season as it was in its 1st. Same song, same concept, same lame audience. I mean, the most "exciting" moments in this show - realize - are when contestants chance upon opportunities to make up to double their money. Maybe I'd watch the show if I could double my money.

Tonight the contenders were Maria, Carolyn, and Jason. I was baffled by their lack of personality. In their introductions Maria claimed that, "true happiness is catching a winning touchdown." I think to myself, how would she know that? Then Carolyn delivered a less than riveting anecdote - something about a thousand policemen on bicycles. Finally, after Jason recalled winning six consecutive spelling bees as a teenager, I had to turn the television off.

Now deciding to do something better with my time, I've been watching SNL Celebrity Jeopardy clips on YouTube for a solid half-hour. Mr. Renolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Furguson...now that's television.

#2: Sampson or not, this is still IU

So it's official - Kelvin Sampson's out. We know. Probation infringements, recruiting violations, deceitful cover-ups...the guy messed up. Was Kelvin crazy for phone calls or something? His behavior reminds me of a drug fiend, who can't stay off the juice. He just had to make those phone calls.

I imagine his thought process as he sits at his desk holding a shiny red telephone. A mini-sized Sampson appears on his shoulder dressed in a home jersey. "Don't do it, Coach! You're NOT allowed to do this... just drop it. You could lose your job!" Then of course the devil in the away jersey shows up on the other shoulder. "Don't listen to that fool, Sampson, he's weak! Go ahead, make that impermissible call. Get your fix. I bet you won't even get caught!"

The rest, as they say, is history. Replacing Sampson as interim head coach is IU alum Dan Dakich, who has earned his stripes by both playing - and coaching - under General Bobby Montgomery Knight. Since moving up from the Director of Operation's position, Dakich has exuded nothing but class, professionalism, and a proud devotion to his players. With tonight's 72-69 win over the Ohio State Buckeyes (Dakich's first at home), the Hoosiers move to 24-4 overall and 13-2 in the Big Ten.

Although IU Athletics has begun its search for a new head coach, IU's squad continues to play good team basketball under Dakich. Could the answer be right in front of our eyes? The Hoosiers have won seven of their last eight games, showing that even in the face of drama, scrutiny, change, and media attention, the W's are all that matter. Coaching scandal or not, D.J., Eric, Lance, Armon, Jamarcus, and the bench will carry out business as usual.

More than anything, the fans are loyal to the team. As Coach Dan himself puts it, "Indiana fans love, live and die with basketball." If Dakich can manage to lead the Hoosiers to victories in their last three regular season games, I predict allegiance will follow. Beat Michigan State, Minnesota, and Penn State, earn the Big Ten title, and enter the tournament a stronger team? Dakich is in. Ultimately the decision is up to IU's Athletic Director Rick Greenspan, who has allowed Dakich a one-month trial period.

My impressions? I could see my reflection in your bald spot Dan, but damnit I believe in you.

#1: Nyquil makes you drowsy

Here's a game I suggest you try when stuck with a cold: take a cap-full of Nyquil and see how long you can keep your eyes open. You'll find, I'm sure, that you can neither win nor lose. With 3 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours my mind is freezing up, and making me do foolish things. Like creating this blog, for example, or smoking my head on an open cabinet door earlier while unloading the dishwasher. Ouch. Who knows what I'll end up using this website for, but ultimately I hope to share my ideas with you (whomever you are) about what I call my "Facts of Life." The small things. The big things. The anythings and everythings. This, my friends and family, is the First Amendment in it's finest form: True, proud, and fearless.